Jonathan Patrick – Open Heart EP

Jonathan Patrick – Open Heart EP

Strange Mono is announcing the release of Jonathan Patrick’s “Open Heart”. Playing with various punk and garage rock bands over the years, this EP is Jon’s first outing with his solo guitar work. “Open Heart” showcases a genuine, natural, melodic intuition that is rare in today’s musical landscape. 

Jonathan, an experimental guitarist from Eugene, Oregon, describes his style as “founded in the navigation of impermanence”. Comparisons can be made to the 60’s and 70’s American Primitive movement out of California, yet Jon’s work is a singular and unique take on the genre. Embracing the freedom of play pioneered by American roots music, Jon embraces life’s transitional nature in his compositions, displaying an emotional urgency that adds something fresh to a genre primarily dominated by technicality.

Inheriting an Alvarez classical guitar at the age of 12 from his mom, Jon always sought to convey the same feeling with one guitar that one gets from listening to early Sonic Youth. In 2005 living in San Francisco, Jon saw the original Akron/Family lineup perform their own material as well as back up Michael Gira as Angels of Light. “It was the first time I saw anyone convey the same power and freedom as Sonic Youth with acoustic and hollow body guitars”, Jon recalls. That performance set the course for Jon to spend years woodshedding behind the scenes while playing in numerous bands eventually culminating in the ultra jammy United Waves. After a couple of limited releases on acetate, everyone moved on and Jon became obsessed with minimalist art and solo guitar music.

“Open Heart”, made up of two tracks, is a direct and bittersweet pastiche of the Pacific Northwest, channeling visions of fog drenched mountain ranges and waves dashing against rocky outcrops on the shoreline. The opening track “Found Work Blues” was written prior to the worldwide fallout of the pandemic and is a reconciliation with the compromise all of us make in order to get by…and is also meant to be a post-work drinking song. The closing track “Dirty Side Of The Storm” was recorded after the end of the US shutdowns and will resonate with those who grew up in hurricane country as well as anyone who has ever asked themselves, “When will this bullshit end?”. “Open Heart” serves as a documentation of a period that was incredibly hard on the entire world. As world events continue to be exploited and divisions sown by those who would benefit from it, we are all left with the choice to either numb ourselves out to accept the status quo or to do something. This is what Jon did and will be doing until the wheels fall off.

Proceeds from this release are being donated to the White Bird Clinic’s NEST program. NEST is designed to help adults experiencing homelessness navigate available resources and sign up to receive assistance.

Thecla – My Sojourn Among The Torturers

Thecla – My Sojourn Among The Torturers

Strange Mono is announcing the debut release from apocalyptic Death Metal band Thecla.
My Sojourn Among The Torturers is a viscous aural tribute to author Gene Wolfe whose influential goth epic The Book Of The New Sun helped spawn the “Dying Earth” sub-genre of Science Fiction.

Drawing inspiration from Wolfe’s work, Thecla creates a viscous portrait of the hero’s journey through an earth in decay. Vocalist Ossipago’s bloodcurdling style is the perfect compliment to the down right nasty riff’s delivered by guitarist Famulimus. All tied together by Barbatus’ pounding drum performances. While the band boast a singular style comparison’s can be made to Bolt Thrower, Death, Celtic Frost, and Darkthrone.

Proceeds from this Release are being donated to Earth Justice to aid their mission of combating climate change

Grey Windowpane – “Ice The World”

Grey Windowpane – “Ice The World”

Across the Atlantic in Brighton, UK Grey Windowpane is forging something special. A stalwart contributor to the avant-garde Ma Turner (AKA Brown / Mazozma) has been delivering innovative compositional sound-work for over two decades. As the founding member of Kentucky’s noise rock terrorists Warmer Milks (whom he toured the United States and Europe extensively with throughout the early 2000’s) Ma went on to record and perform as a solo artist, releasing numerous full length LPs, cassettes, compact discs (and a twelve cassette box set) on labels such as Sophomore Lounge, Feeding Tube, Crash Symbols as well as on visual artist and musician Robert Beatty’s AHEM Editions label and numerous one-off private press labels of Turner’s own. (Currently coined) Brown is now further cultivating his reputation on the frontiers of fringe music with Grey Windowpane (under the umbrella of GWPEOPLESFRONT WORLDWIDE). After leaving his home of Western Massachusetts last year for the UK, Brown has been collaborating with an international cabal of outsider artists to produce Grey Windowpane’s newly anticipated full length album “Ice The World”. The songs were written, arranged,  recorded and mixed over a span of months between studios in the UK, US, Singapore and Sweden.

Long running underground music rag Blastitude had this to say about Grey Windowpane’s first four EP’s (all digitally released in 2022 on the GWPEOPLESFRONT WORLDWIDE label):  

“This is very consistently and completely zoned-out music. I’ve been listening to it all, all day long, and I still don’t know what to make of it. It’s like it wipes my brain blank as it plays. My daughter’s boyfriend (born circa 2005) walked by and said it sounded “industrial,” how about that? He’s 100% not wrong (and I often think about what post-industrial as a music means, how it means so much more than Neubauten and Skinny Puppy, how it means any post-punk experimental work of any kind, the entire 1980s cassette culture experimental music movement, the entire worldwide noise scene as we know it today)! He also compared it to house music, and yeah, Grey Windowpane does have some beats, here and there, but it’s just as much sound effects, and tape-loop experiments, and washes of noise, and who-knows-what else. And when I say “who-knows-what-else,” I mean “music from the Empty Quarter,” which Bruce Russell defined in his 1994 manifesto “What is Free?” as “an area between other forms of music where all of the ‘rules’ which hold them apart cease to apply.”


Proceeds from the double cassette release of “Ice The World” benefit GREAT FALLS BOOKS THROUGH BARS a volunteer group in Franklin County MA that sends free books, resources, and reading materials to incarcerated people.

Check It Out

Sandcastle – Kisses For Witches

Sandcastle – Kisses For Witches

Strange Mono is announcing the reissue of Sandcastle’s 2013 freak folk master work Kisses For Witches. Sandcastle has been a staple in the underground circle for over a decade. Defined by his clever lyricism, distinct vocal style, and relentlessly catchy melodies. Sandcastle is the moniker for songwriter Sam Kassel, who records the majority of Sandcastle’s output on his own.

Recorded following Sandcastle’s debut tour of the southern U.S in 2012. Sam was in a place of growth and introspection expanding on his lo-fi folk roots and creating a new sound entirely its own. The far out country tinged Deena and the driving Dream Catcher, perfectly illustrate the happy mania of a hopeless romantic. While Tracks like Antonia and Diamond Heart tap into more bittersweet feelings. The album as a whole reinforces classic Sandcastle theme’s like desire, adventure, mysticism, and spirituality with an undercurrent of anxiety and vulnerability. Throughout Kisses for Witches Sam demonstrates a command over language and melody, and an emotional intelligence rarely heard in this kind of music.

Matt Lee of the Big Takeover had this to say about the opening track Deena. “I defy you to get the opener “Deena” from this astoundingly good album by Philly’s Sandcastle out of your head.” and  “I know everyone who counts Tyrannosaurus Rex and Ween in their collection will be hooked for life.” and “There’s a magical newness of Sandcastle’s oeuvre, that feeling of discovery lurking in every song, they really bring you places in a gentle but forceful way. That’s the trick of genius songwriting is that confidence, the ability to say ‘Hey let’s go here… trust me!’.. and you do, and it turns out great.”

“Warping vocals encircle in a heady simplicity. A timeless minstrel tone meshes with modern twists and turns, creating an imaginative hybrid. Bending genres (even mid-song), the band creates a sound that continuously shifts and resonates.” – The Deli Magazine

This Cassette features original artwork designed by Philadelphia cartoonist Rebecca Kirby. Rebecca has an unmistakable style and boasts clients like: Cartoon Network, Boom! Studios, Vice, Grid, and The Los Angeles Times.


Proceeds from the Limited Edition cassette release of this album are being donated to the Homies Helping Homies to aid their mission to provide grocery tables to the people of Point Breeze Philadelphia. “We hope to encourage and support safety for folks who are underserved and overlooked by government aid and capitalist structures that seek to devalue them.“

Check it out

BEER BREAKFAST DUNGENESS CRAB

The Best Band Named After A Bodega. Period.

BEER BREAKFAST DUNGENESS CRAB

From the icy depths of West Philadelphia comes the chaotic punk of Beer Breakfast Dungeness Crab. Strange Mono is announcing the release of the band’s second album and first physical release. Taking their name from the famous West Philly bodega that served as their sole source of beer due to its close proximity to their underground parking garage practice space. Maybe it’s all the fumes, or the lack of oxygen but something miraculous happened in those dark corners to produce such an original and inspired band.

Frontman Brian Nothing (Spazm 151, Total Fucking Destruction, Syzlak) has a strident vocal style that carves through the unshakeable rhythm section on tracks like “Your Gonna Die” and “Eye of Nothing”. Bassist Ross Pritchett (The Company Corvette, Big Burly) takes vocal duty on “I’m Out” and “Whip it’s, Good” unleashing a voice both fully deranged, and engrossing. Drummer Skip never misses a beat, with his style sitting between Sabbath’s Bill Ward and Butthole surfers’ King Coffey. Ripping leads, non-stop riff’s, fuzzed out tube amps, and irreverent lyrics make BBDC a truly one of a kind band.

An accomplished painter, this album features original artwork by Brian Nothing.

Recorded and mixed by Alexei Popadopulis of Philly’s Stinking Lizaveta, this album is a perfect showcase of the band’s unhinged vibrations.

Check it out

WHAT WE ARE LISTENING TOO…

WHAT WE ARE LISTENING TO…

Abel

GAUZE Equalizing Distort
Selfish Records

BuckS/T
Self Release / Not On Label

Barbarossas Rhabarber Barbaren Die Legend​ä​ren Virtuosen
Mortville Noise

Various ArtistswiRL wide web
Mixtape

Repentless Gates Of Hell
Self Release / Not On Label

F.O.D.  Shatter Your Day 
Buy Our Records

Sore Throat Who Killed Gumby?
Private Scandal

Mortal Relic Kissed By The Whip
Nocturnal Dissonance

Mercyless Hammer Demo MMXXII
Bent Window

Destruction Eternal Devastation
HR Records

Dan T

Kate FerenczYou Will Love Again
Self Release / Not On Label

Hijokaidan Zouroku No Kibyou
Urashima

Wodenwyrd The Teutoburg Massacre
Nocturnal Dissonance

Leslie Keffer & Rodger Stella Love Is The Plan, The Plan Is Death
No Rent

God is War X Apaixonar Vol. 1 & 2
Phage Tapes

Jerry Lee Lewis S/T
Sun

The CleanBoodle Boodle Boodle
Flying Nun / Merge

Sandcastle Atlantis Alone
Self-Release

Christmas Evil OST
Mondo Tees

John Fahey The New Possibility
Takoma

Jean Felix Lalanne Dial Code Santa Claus (OST)
CBS

JESS’ HOLIDAY MOVIE PICKS

JESS’ HOLIDAY MOVIE PICKS

Rare exports: A Christmas Tale
TW: LOTS of old balls
TRAILER

Christmas Evil
John Waters approved
TRAILER

Ginger Dead Man
Gary Busey for the fans
TRAILER

Jack Frost
Shannon Elizabeth + dirty old snowman
TRAILER

Silent Night Deadly Night
Mommy issues + “Naughty, PUNISH!”
TRAILER

BONUS

The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus (1985)
CLIP

Torschlusspanik “Intersexual Healing”

Torschlusspanik – Intersexual Healing

Tennessee’s experimental artist Torschlusspanik delivers an astonishing album of cathartic and vulnerable compositions. Strange Mono, in collaboration with fellow Philly label No Rent Records, is releasing Intersexual Healing as a deluxe double cassette on December 13th, 2022. We see this album as a vital proclamation to the world, casting light onto the overlooked and underserved intersex community.

Originated in 2013, Torschlusspanik (Luna Mitchell) is “a middle-aged Tennessee gal’s outlet for mostly unpleasant and nonrealistic music” that has been summarized as “maximalist electro-acoustic” in the past. A wide scramble of sounds are “crudely forced into sound collage and (vague) song format intended for weaponizing emotional overstimulation and mulling over lost opportunity as time is near expired”.

Luna explains ”This collection of songs has been the first, after decades of centering most of myself as a musician, that feels like it could finally be my final important work. I’ve had a nagging voice in my head telling me for an embarrassingly long time now that I’ve been expecting (or at least hoping for) some sort of euphoric therapy that will likely never come from the creation and distribution of this type of music. But each time I’ve considered deleting everything and giving up I suppose that perhaps that excitement and healing can manifest in listeners instead”. This finality can be felt in the track “open carry” in its use of percussive bells, shattering glass, and rifle shots.

Across the album on tracks like “gerascophobia”, which crescendos in a chorus of modulation blending livestock and human voice, there are a myriad of sounds reflecting the artists upbringing. “I grew up in a very small town in west Tennessee called Atwood (population 949). Incidentally, I have been living in the same house again all year, with my wife and mom. We never had a farm ourselves, but family and friends did and those left impressions on me. I remember being very young, witnessing my first birthed calves and discovering groups of piglets crushed beneath their mother during the same week-long visit with my aunt”.

Expanding on the origins of the project Luna states “I got my start as a solo musician around 2003 when I picked up two synthesizers from the Goodwill store where I worked and recorded some doodling that I thought sounded neat. Harsh noise and other “experimental” stuff had started to replace indie rock as my main interest by this point, so I wanted to start a CDR label for my solo work as well as a duo my friend and I started called ‘Beesty’. I stumbled my way through those years, forcing a path through an extremely unstable and unhappy period until I would repeatedly collapse briefly and then reemerge with some new ideas to try again under assorted names and genres. I moved to South Carolina for 2008 and fell into extreme reclusion for over 5 years, and then Torschlusspanik started out as yet another one of those self-destructive attempts until gradually learning how to better exploit my strengths, predict my weaknesses, and hone in on the aspects of art that I had been longing for this entire time.”

The albums namesake, and heart piercing final track, “intersexual healing” forces the listener into a confrontation. The crib sounds and the delicate melody of a music box juxtaposed with grinding, metallic, scapes illustrates the complexities of internal conflict. “My process for this album began with finding hundreds of sample sources that I felt sounded good together, nothing more. I used to place more value on creating the majority of my own samples, but I wanted to relax that standard.  Most tracks have no additional recordings from myself included this time around. As I began to manipulate and “play” these samples together, forming the earliest demos in late 2021, I realized what kind of narrative and emotional portrait I ultimately hoped to create. It’s a little over a year later and I don’t think there’s anything left but to see whether others feel as strongly about these songs as I do.”
Proceeds from our release of “Intersexual Healing” benefit interACT. InterACT uses innovative legal strategies to advocate for the human rights of children born with intersex traits. Fostering youth advocates and raising awareness via media, the team works to end non consensual surgeries on intersex children.

Out Now November Batch

Out Now November Batch

Our November batch is now live!
We are so proud and excited about this batch. Every one of these releases is a stunning piece of art musically, visually, and spiritually.
Show some love for your community and support the noise!!

QUAGGA – 77.7FM “The Spirit”
$10 proceeds ppponline.org
Quagga Is the solitary home recordings of multi-disciplinary artist, Joshua Mackie (Gunk, Dark Mtns, Sun Organ, Idiot Forever, Prince of Yeti Mantra, Dub Sum Tapes, Ice Wizard Clone). Josh makes (mostly) lo fi recordings of whatever comes to his mind. No singular genre necessary.

Josh describes 77.7 FM “The Spirit” as “a fun way for me to abstractly describe my process.” and “Making whatever comes to me at that time and seeing the idea all the way through. Every time I sit down to make music I record something and 95% of those recordings I release or intend on releasing. Sort of like how a DJ decides to play the next song they think fits in with their set and vibe.”. Josh further explains the creation process as “just intuitive and it’s very honest. I’m showing my strengths and my weaknesses. And just like a DJ’s set on the radio you might love one song but hate the next, but there is something in there for anyone who’s open to it.”

Proceeds from this album are being donated to Prevention Point Philadelphia to aid their mission To
promote health, empowerment and safety for communities affected by drug use and poverty.

IDIOT FOREVER – Doom Saloon Live Jam
$8 proceeds www.homieshelpinghomies.com
“What a poor wretch man is. Fortunately he doesn’t know it. If he did what a poor wretch he’d be!” – Max Pallenburg

There are so many components that drive the desire to create. Recognition, validation, catharsis, expression. All of these forces are relatable and positive in their own way. But what about destruction? The impulse to mangle, the drive to obliterate. To deconstruct an idea and force a void, where chaos and randomness serves as the creator, and we participate as an onlooker to our own design restructured by destruction.

The homonyms raised and razed are especially interesting to me. They reflect in no uncertain terms the duality of human society. Are we meant to be building or destroying?

Freedom has consequences. One of those consequences is Idiot Forever. Four absolute musical maniacs recorded live in 2018. Screeching tape mechanisms, churning brutal feedback, and allegedly guitar and drums. Grease up your deep listening skills and dive into Idiot Forever – Doom Saloon Live Jam. A worthy record of the band’s frantic improvised performances which consisted of a rotating line-up performing, on the spot, impromptu, psycho-free-punk.

Jeff Unfortunately- Cries
$8 proceeds abortionfunds.org
Fifteen tracks from experimental songwriter / guitarist Jeff Gallagher. These intimate Lo-fi compositions draw on inspirations from Jeff’s relationships, struggles, and Franz Kafka. Featuring saccharine splendor on the instrumental track “Two Sick Fucks”. Cries pushes Jeff’s songwriting into new territories of vulnerability while remaining grounded in his unique and one of a kind style. As a whole the album illustrates a complex and at times profound insight into the world of Jeff Unfortunately and his home life in Massachusetts.

“Jeff is great, and really confounding to some, But he is really like a zen blues player. Only mercurial in that way but there are so many facets to him and his arts – he is unrelenting” – Troy Curry

Grey0 – Selected Ambien Twerks
$8 Benefits community support www.gofundme.com/f/the-holmes-wilkins-rebuild-their-family-home
grey0 is the electronic solo project of Eric Anderson. Using a modular synth and sampler in tandem, they reach for timbres and phrases that hope to induce a positive trance. A constant process of learning and unlearning. Here/now/this is paramount.

Through the endless search for new music and underground scenes, Eric found Philly record label Strange Mono, and is honored that they are interested in releasing music of his.

“Selected Ambien Twerks- vol 11” is giving extended Campfire Headphase jam on Side A, and Basinski 101 on Side B.

Proceeds from this album are being donated to help The Holmes & Wilkins rebuild their west Philadelphia family home after they lost everything in a tragic fire on October 11th

What we are listening to…

Abel

Wraith / Black Knife / Graveripper / Unholy Night Faster Than The Fucking Devil
Wise Blood Records

Pissed Happy ChildrenPissed Playground
New Beginning Records

Vile Execution Waste & Rot
Bent Window Records

Koreltsak / Abyzou from forests of corpses and thorned cedars split
Jem’s Label

45 Grave Sleep In Safety
Enigma

Burt Bacharach  Thermonuclear Needle 
Self Release / Not On Label

VA Thrash Til Death
Selfish Records

Headcleaners Disinfection
1000 DB

Impetigo Horror Of The Zombies
Wild Rags Records

Obituary Cause Of Death (Re-Issue)
Relapse / Gibtown

Dan T

Shorty Fresh Breath EP
Skin Graft

TFFNI – Untitled
Self Release / Not On Label

Misery Engine Dark Winter
No Rent

Support Unit Illegalist
Trashfuck Records

Mobdividual Nostalgia
Obscure Melody

Toshi Kasai Based On True Stories
Joyful Noise

Arcane Earth Reboot Mercy For the Soil
Big Tobacco Records

Šimanský NiesnerV​š​echno Dobré
Stoned To Death

Wax Pets I Said Be Mine
Space Foundation / Self-Release

Dismal Chant Rotting Heavens
Declassified Affairs

Webb Chapel Reviews 5 Classic Metal Albums

Zach Claxton of Webb Chapel

During the course of my conversation with Webb Chapel’s Zack Claxton a few weeks ago, It became apparent to me that, while Zack has a deep knowledge and appreciation of music culture and history, there was one genre where he was almost entirely oblivious. Metal. I took this opportunity to send 5 essential Metal albums to Zack, and asked him to share his thoughts and first impressions on how these albums made him feel. Zack dove in headfirst and absolutely crushed the assignment.

Bolt Thrower – Realm Of Chaos

I think this would be a fun album to listen to while playing doom.  It feels kind of like first person shootery.  Or maybe like the dudes in charge of the chainsaws at a haunted house who live nearby in sheds and make music on the weekends.  Or in the off season.  One of them smokes clove cigarettes for some reason.  And they have a burnt mattress in the backyard from ten years ago when things were getting a little out of hand.  the lead singer knows an impressive amount of French history.  His father was from France and he wants to visit but never has.  There’s a lot of French history buried in the lyrics.  And a work shed full of chainsaws.  They collect broken down chainsaws and paint different kinds of ghouls all over them.  They look amazing.  The lead singer painted the battle of Waterloo on one of them.  It’s impeccable in detail.  Sometimes if you look at it at night you can swear the horses are breathing.  Being in a chainsaw shed at night and trying to analyze the imagery inlaid in the saws is a tricky undertaking.   You want to turn them all on but you also don’t want to call attention to yourself.  Not sure how you would talk your way out of it if the cops came.  Which they never do but there’s a first time for everything.  Do you explain to the cops that you were trying to make the horses move or do you just grab your favorite 5 chainsaws and see what happens? 

“I may get blown away tonight but I swear one of you guys has a date with Napoleon.” 
“Speak up we can’t hear you over the saws”
“I SAID I MAY GET BLOWN AWAY TONIGHT BUT I SWEAR ONE OF YOU GUYS HAS A DATE WITH NAPOLEON”
“Something about linoleum?”
“AH FORGET IT ARE YOU GUYS HUNGRY?’
"Sure”
“COME ON INSIDE AND ILL MAKE YOU A SNACK”
“You can stop yelling now the saws are long gone”
“Well I’ll be damned.  How’d you do that?”
“I assure you it was far easier than getting over Josephine.”
“Napoleon?”
“I thought you’d never ask.  Yes, it is me.  I disguised myself as 4 policemen.  Your saw art summoned me here.  I had to test your decency in offering me a snack.  You passed with flying colors.  Now I will teach you everything I know.”

They walk arm in arm and disappear into a thicket.  The saws spin a lovely kind of low mourning tone as we lose sight of them.  Never to be seen again.

Hellhammer – Apocalyptic Raids EP

I appreciate this as being chord based metal. Very sabathy, lots of bar chords.  A welcome surprise, you could change this guys voice out with the singer from the cardigans and it would still sound the same.  Triumph of death as a track almost falls over into “just goofin” territory.  I think he’s reenacting getting eaten by a bear or something.  All to the sound of daddy’s first v guitar style riffage.  Very clunky but also inspired at certain moments.  We based our sound off drinking an empty beer with a cigarette butt in it.  Wow triumph of death just keeps going.  I feel like they were burning the midnight oil on this one and listened to it the next day and were just impressed that it was in any way coherent.  Call Jim Henson we got a new muppet act.  There was an ad for voting by mail right after that song.  Hey asshole, when you’re done excavating your great uncle’s metal archive would you mind giving a shit?

Corrupted – La victema es tu mismo 7″

This convinces you that you don’t have much longer to live.  In kind of a heinous way.  Like with unfinished business and your grave is next to a highway and under a billboard for a vasectomy reversal.  When even the people you met’s great grandchildren are long gone.  Yet still a cavernous face that dares you to challenge it 700 years later.  Or one day.  Am I smiling with you or at you?  All potential lifespans like different mismatched socks in a drawer at the bottom of the ocean.  Even if you find it you won’t be able to get it open.    And if you somehow cracked it open the socks are going to be frayed and full of holes and soaked through.  You bought 4000 dollars worth of scuba gear for this?  

You build a perfect life for yourself and 2 miles away someone is serving a life sentence for something they didn’t do.  Yet you still “find joy in the little things”

King Diamond – Abigail

What an unwelcome catapult back to reality.  Now I’m just kind of watching a b movie or something.  I can see Eastern Europe tearing the stadium down to this though.  I would like to bungee jump over a crowd listening to this in a big stadium.  You can’t deny the chops I suppose.  Yeah I’d like to give this guy a KARATE chop ya know?  Sometimes you just buy fireworks and set them off.  It’s not the same as being in a battle but some of the energy is comparable.  Or like a castlevania game for playstation that they just couldn’t get right.  The avatars all look the same and its full of glitches and you can’t save but the castle looks kind of cool and the cut scenes are at least kind of funny.  

Side note:  its undeniable that ‘the 7th day of July, 1777’ is one of the best songs about the Battle of Humbardton ever written

Cathedral – The Ethereal Mirror

Ok I’ve listened to five metal albums back to back and I’m not gonna lie my ears are kind of played out.  I think this one has my favorite cover.  It looks like a design draft for Shrek by someone who was immediately fired.  Why not a Shrek spinoff just called Donkey?  I want to know donkey’s back story.  His lineage dating back to the dark ages.  It would be exhausting in nature without a shred of humor.

I think this guy and Lemmy could arm wrestle and leave the table with a new found respect for each other.   He just said “Ooh yeah” like the koolaid man.  Are you allowed to say ooh yeah in metal?  That seems like immediate disqualification.  I think this and king diamond could be a great 2 band bill.  

I’d like to go into a motorcycle shop and see this album cover on the door to the bathroom.  Then you open the door and everything’s motorcycle themed.  The stall is a big tire that you piss into.  When you turn on the hot water it makes a revving sound.  The mirror does that thing like at the haunted mansion at Disney world where it looks like there’s a biker next to you riding a motorcycle.  You ask an employee if he liked that scene in Pee Wee where he dances to Tequila and the employee punches you in the face.  He breaks his hand and everybody respects you now.  It was your version of Tequila.  They all give you their keys at the same time and you say “What do you think I am, made out of pockets?”  A local TV executive does a spit take and leaves abruptly.  2 months later you’re watching tv and there’s an ad for a show called “What do you think I am, made out of pockets?”  It’s basically Tim Allen being handed an excessive amount of things over the course of an hour, prompting him to keep repeating the catchphrase over and over and over.  It catches like wildfire and all the political candidates pick it up too.  It’s a global phenomenon. You feel utterly ripped off but you’re at least content with the fact that you added to the cultural lexicon.